There has been unprecedented media excitement over UKIP’s ‘earthquake’ victory in the European elections. Already, speculation has begun on the meaning of this success and is set to continue for several days. Back bench Tories have been reported as placing the blame on Romanian immigrants. Others have pointed towards austerity. But we all know it’s really the French. It’s always been the French. Ever since 1066, it’s been the French. Probably it was the French even before that. In fact, it’s about the only thing on which the English and French agree. We like being best of enemies. It suits us. That’s why we built the tunnel. So we can blow it up again next time one of us wins Eurovision.